I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
