There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
