the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize