Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
