Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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