Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
