i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
