She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
