Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
