watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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