I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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