my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
