Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
