It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
