it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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