2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
