I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
