She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
