based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
