i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
