My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
