I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
