watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
