If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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