she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
