sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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