College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
