I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
