4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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