The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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