It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
