I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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