so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
