There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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