my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I want is dick and wine.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
