I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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