Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
