well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
