i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
