I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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