During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
