I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
