I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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