38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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