dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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