The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
