did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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