At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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