I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
