I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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