Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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