We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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