Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
