im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
