Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
