And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
