i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
