1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
