i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
