you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
