glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
