He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
