he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I came so hard my ears popped.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
