I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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