He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
