just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
