I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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