last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
