Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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