I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
