i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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