Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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