oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
