I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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