And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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