I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
