so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
