When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Randomize
