i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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