I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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