My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
