Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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