Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
