Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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