It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Shame is for Republicans.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
