SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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